I finally cracked....

I was wondering when it was going to hit me. It hasn't hit me this whole week. Not even seeing my sister cry, or picking out a song to dance with my brother too(because my dad passed away in '03), or seeing my bro's myspace status "My little sister is getting married this weekend!" and he was excited, and not even because family is coming TOMORROW!!!!

I cracked because I was thinking about my Mom and how happy she was when she saw me try on my dress for her (which I am soooo glad I did, because she hadn't seen me in it in a while!). I was sad because my Sister was supposed to be my other MOH, and I have her bouquet, because I made them sometime last year. I turned it into my toss bouquet, so someone is going to get some really special flowers. I cried because my Dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle and give me away. There's just soo many mixed feelings because this is supposed to be my special day, everything is supposed to be perfect but it won't be. Deep down, I will think about how they aren't here with me to celebrate it all, and I will feel sad. I don't know how I'm really going to enjoy my day 100% thinking about it all. I guess I'll just have to remember how excited they were for me, and try not to be sad. It was soo sweet, I just went up to Edgar and he knew something was wrong with me. He held me while I cried and told me that they would all be with me spiritually, but it's still not the same ya know? Egh-oh well. I'm sure it will continue to come up for the rest of my life.

On a happier note, family is coming TOMORROW(well now it's after 12...so it's today)!!! I can't believe it. Actually, I can. And I'm 100% excited and ready for them to be here. I'm feeling more and more anxious because I'm ready for everyone to be all at the same place. I've been doing a lot lately to try and keep busy. There's only so much you can do when you have finished everything wedding related that you can possibly finish before hand. But, we have been cleaning the yard. Mowing, weed eating, and watering the grass everynight. Getting all the materials, food, tables, and chairs for the outside rehearsal dinner we are hosting at my house Friday night. Which is technically tomorrow night!! Holy Moly!! Today we went and had the final meeting with the dj, talked dances, songs, timelines and must plays. We also went and picked up Edgar and his brother Erick's tuxedos from men's wearhouse. They looked so handsome! I can't wait to see them on Saturday all cleaned up.

When I wake up (I'm setting my alarm for 9 AUGH!) I am going to get my e-ring cleaned, getting Erick a gift, getting some bowls for salsa and chips, Rent 50 chairs for Friday, and then around 3 or so I'm getting my toes and nails done. We will be leaving at around 6:30 to go and pick up family from the airport. Tomorrow....tonight.....will be a LONG night I just know it. We haven't seen this part of the family in over a year. And, we only saw them for 1 day when we did see them when we visited California for a wedding last May. It's gonna be fun. Hopefully I recap again, if not this might be my last post as a single woman!!!! Let the good times roll.....